She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
