I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
