when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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