ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
