I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
