she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
