In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
