I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
