Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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