how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
