was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
