Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
