I want to make a zoo with you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
