She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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