if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
