Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
