In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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