I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize