Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
