Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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