I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You need a sexual gate keeper
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
