1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's even glitter on my cock...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
