He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
