Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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