why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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