She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
