when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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