your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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