I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
