I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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