Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
