I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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