i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
