Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
