god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
