Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
