i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
