Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
