I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
