remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
