She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
