I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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