Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
