So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
