Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
