you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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