Im at strip club and am horny
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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