I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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