My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
