Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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