So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
