remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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