i can't believe i had my finger in that
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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