you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize