We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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