so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
