I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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