Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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