The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
