remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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