I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
