Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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