At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
